Almost two years on…

I think it’s time for one of those ‘up close and personal’ posts. I realised this morning that I never really said much at the time about how Oliver’s unexpected early arrival affected me. I guess that’s mainly because I didn’t think it had. However, as thoughts of a second child are featuring ever more prominently in our minds recently, I’ve realised that actually… it really did.

I am terrified – yes – terrified of having another baby early. Earlier than Oliver. I know that babies being born at 34 weeks is not usually a problem but what about 33 weeks? 30? 28? Or worse?

Nobody knows why this happened to me, why my body (and Oliver!) decided to do what they did. From what I understand, cervical incompetence (or whatever it’s called these days) is unlikely to be the cause as I would not have carried as far as 34 weeks with that. Please anyone, correct me on that if I’m wrong. This is my main fear as I know it will just keep happening and happening if this is the case. After Oliver was born, nobody seemed overly concerned with the prematurity aspect of my labour, no-one really spoke to me about it and because I was so wrapped up in my new baby, it never occurred to me to ask.

It’s only now, with the prospect of another pregnancy potentially (hopefully!?) in my near future, that I’ve realised how much I wish I’d asked those questions.

How I wish someone had taken the time to talk to me about what had happened.

How scared I am that my body might do this again, and that I might not make it as far as 34 weeks next time.

That something could happen to my next baby and I won’t be able to do anything to stop it.

I know I could well be worrying for nothing and it could just have been a fluke. Next time I could carry right up to 42 weeks and wish that he or she would hurry up and get out (!) but I feel like where pregnancy and labour are concerned, sometimes my body seems to let me down. I haven’t had the best luck (or the worst by any means!) and now I feel like the fun and excitement of the whole process, including before pregnancy, has been spoiled for me.

A positive test now means little to me until I’ve had a scan confirming a location and a heartbeat.

I know right up until at least week 34 of my next pregnancy, I’ll be quietly panicking inside.

Sorry to sound whiny and ungrateful but where is fun and happiness in this for me now? I need to try and find it again but I’m not sure how.

About Bells

Hi my name is Bells... mummy blogger extraordinaire... or not. I mostly blog about my family life, with a bit of fashion, beauty and baking thrown in. Oh and I love pink. So yeah, I'm pretty much just your typical teenage girl.... except I'm in my twenties. Doh.

6 thoughts on “Almost two years on…

  1. The hospital that you delivered at should be able to arrange you to talk to the consultant who was involved in your labour. If you can remember their name or find some of your notes with their name on ring the hosp switch board and ask to be put through to their secretary and they should be able to arrange a meeting / debrief with you both. They will also be able to look through your notes and explain why things happened etc . Hope this helps xx

    Find me at justasinglegirl29.blogspot.com

    1. Thank you! I feel silly worrying about it now but I know when (if!) I’m pregnant again, I’m going to really need to know these things for some peace of mind! x

  2. So I’m not the only one! I have a three month old born at 32 weeks and never asked the relevant questions! I do want more children in the future but I am petrified of going into premature Labour again!

    1. It’s scary isn’t it! Especially when you have no idea why! When I am next pregnant (and had it confirmed as not being ectopic!) I think I will explain my worries to the doctor and ask for someone to go through my notes with me. Otherwise I just know I’ll stress about it for the whole pregnancy! Fingers crossed for both of us it was just a fluke! Thanks for commenting 🙂 xx

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